Today I was watching a Pakistani TV serial ‘Zindagi gulzar hai’, ‘Life is wonderful’, and my first thought was like REALLY! than I changed to okay MAY BE. No grudges but with time life seems difficult. You know the problem is that I expect a lot. And anything that I feel good about later that also ends with pain. I’m at least thankful for one thing that God has gifted us with SMILE at least I’m able to hide my every ill happenings. Well ya karma has a big role and I believe karma has really hit me hard.
Well the serial is little hard for me to explain here and it will get little lengthy also but how I get there? Suddenly out of nowhere I remembered my friend once watching this serial and I’m really fond of Urdu. Well I don’t know the meaning of every word but still that’s my love for Urdu and I decided to watch it. The background music was another reason that kept me hold.
‘Zindagi Dard Ka Dusra Naam Hai’ ‘Life Is The Other Name For Pain’, line from a Bollywood song. Sometimes in life incidences happens that force to believe it really is true. And my biggest pain is LOVE which I never felt received, now I don’t even expect.
I watch a movie today, it’s beautiful”The Notebook”, and it made me miss someone very close to my heart. I don’t know may be one day I might don’t feel the same or I might feel even more stronger but for now it’s just that I feel like writing this piece to the person I wanted to text saying,’I’m sorry but I miss you and I couldn’t resist saying this today’. But I couldn’t because I can’t effort to lose the one who speaks my heart.I want the silence that we share till the winter of my life. I want to see you playing guitar, eyes close and singing your heart. I want to see you the happiest one. I miss you.
Well I cannot reflect the crux of the life so exactly as I am still an inexperienced but still having some amazing people around really feels holistic. And appreciating life whatever it bought till now feels like an all rounder. I understand not every one can be in our life wholly throughout but still we hope some to be in and you are one of them and I really feel you can influence me in different ways. A friend more than parents and different than best friend. I know ours is differently unique.
Well! highs and lows are there in everyones life just to mould better off those some days we admire something that’s still and always an illusion but we do believe in something like I do in – UNIVERSE. 2018 was a year that taught me a lot of good things but in a very rough touch. Though I never wanna remind those but then those are some bold outline that always gonna haunt me so I’m just trying getting along for those better some that’s on my way too.
It all started with that cry I heard, the loudest cry louder than those echoes of deep mountains. That made my heart sank into hailing oceans into which I died thousands of deaths everyday. Though I personally believe everyone is good at heart but circumstances make some bad and cruel and that’s when people behaves like monster. I can’t tell how hardly it hurts and I hate it when people say ‘You act like as if you have all the share of loads of the world.’ But I can’t make everyone understand how low I felt.
You know how it feels like when you left out all alone, not friend circle wise but understanding thoughts wise and I am some what an introvert or really bad when it comes to expressing thoughts and views. I wanna share but I can’t. And the scariest is when anxiety chase you. I totally forgot those about day and night, it all fell upside down for me. I cannot tell how the haunting footsteps behind me made my spine go paralysed.
My academics fell at the lowest and I feel so betrayed. I have this huge guilt inside me that I don’t think ever can cure. It’s been a year that I’m running away from people that owes my truth. I’m hiding everything behind that cunning smile and silence.
Friends have always been my secret admirers that turns on my happiness and I have so far been the luckiest at that. God blessed me with two wonder person in my life. One being my bestie and other one my childhood friend who came in my life with a great impact. Both of them have really special place in my heart. And I already have a dear friend whom I call my human diary. In every good and bad I wish them to be there. I don’t have anything to give but I always wish every good for them. I can give my love, care and support. I love you all loads and my parents also.
I tried resembling you through the history that layer back to so many years. That started with an innocent attraction, with so many dilemmas in your head and I being unaware howering into my own fantasy. And it got lost with a mere facebook history, never happened to happen any contact and a print out of the profile picture. After so many lovely years trolled by as if the air decided to travel back again,the dead story rise again but this time with everything new. Blessed under the sun but complaining about the heat. With another phase of time but on same facebook only. Endless chatting, cracking jokes, creating uncomfortable environment sometimes, flashing back how everything started and lasted sharing contact numbers. The sweet innocent vibes the childish talks I could feel every time we talked. With days passing by it started getting intense and more. And the day came when that innocent spoke heart out. The full moon night of December on the terrace, standing confused but blushing inside and finally with a “yes” a sweet bonding started under that starless sky. A story of a highly determined one and a lost one yet much love for each other. Everything around seemed so beautiful. Starting the day with good morning calls and ending with love you. Like any other love story it was also going well. Talking till dawn, sleepless nights, leaving the whole world beside and lost into eachother showing love and care for each other between those love you and love you toos. The night worth remembering, keeping the phone with a love you note and a kiss blowed through the phone. One day like a sudden death this story also became a part of history. A long beautiful history that started in those majestic mountains and a short but a lovely relationship was no more without even seeing and meeting even once.
I walk the longest today. It was an endless road and I was with Abalay(father.)Fun was that two introverts were together and it was all silent. I was feeling as if m with a stranger. It was still a memorable one, I was recollecting the memories from my childhood when I use to pass that road,all from the highway to my home. It was tiring some back then but still it was days worth remembering.